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Jan '06

Torv, torv, my kingdom for a torv.

Torv is Danish for square or market. In Denmark, there are all manner of Torvs. There are royal torvs, both old and ny. There is a West Gate Torv, which is a good torv if you are looking for my apartment or overpriced produce. There is also a torv which should not be missed:


Today, I visited the old fish market, now one of Denmark’s largest shopping malls today to see M√ľnchen and learn a little bit about Denmark’s mall nd shopping culture. I am also hunting thermals in a color other than black. I think they are in season, so it is legal to hunt light-colored thermals. I asked the clerk at Stadium (this is a Dane’s idea of a creative name for a sporting goods store) if they have any color other than black. He told me that they are nearly sold out of thermals. Because Danes are genetically predisposed to not help you if it is at all possible to be of absolutely no help, the clerk asked me what color I was looking for. I said, “I don’t know…white?” To which he responded that black is the only color they carry. So why ask!?

I learned that in Denmark, it is best to see short movies, lest you pay the “whole evening” surcharge. It does not matter that you enter the theater at 12:00 to see a 12:30 movie. If the movie lasts more than 2 hours, it is a “whole evening” film. Actaully, this makes sense. Here’s how I figure it. 3 hour movie begins at 12:30. You get out at around 4. Look outside. Is it daytime? No way. This is Denmark, after all. So, you have just spent “the whole evening” in the movie theater. Do not try to argue that 4PM is evening. Trust me, I’m the one on this island. 4PM is night time. Between 3:53 and 3:58 is evening. That’s twilight, you say? No, that is 3:47 until 3:52. And what about 4:17? That is the time that you have to put your lights on your bike. Don’t mess…I read WeekendAvisen. The fact that you had the audacity to stay through the whole movie means that it is only socially right and just that you pay another 20 DKK (USD3.50).

Before the movie, I decided to get lunch at the shawarma hut in the food court. The interesting thing about this experience was that they noticed I was not a native speaker of Danish, so decided to speak to me in English. The only problem with this is that my Danish was way better than their English.

Shawarma guy: What do you want for a dressing?

Me: No dressing.

Shawarma guy: Mayonaise?

Me: No mayonaise.

Shawarma guy: Catsup?

Me: No catsup.

Shawarma guy: Mayonaise?
Thank god for food courts. Actually, I’d like to take the shawarma hut proprietors to food court. My drink was small and my fries soggy.

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